Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Wilderness

Six months later, sick at heart and unfocused, I knew I had to get away, anywhere, so I took a break and went into the wilderness. Here there would be strangers, I would not meet people who knew my son, I would not have to act anything, I would be able to cry and scream in peace. I worked at a Lodge in the summer and was the caretaker of the property on closing from October to June, along with a huge Turkish Anatolian hound.
The winters alone were a partial healing for me, to be alone , with the three dogs, wondering the back roads in the snow, I would cry to the trees, and see him behind every one. He was there with me, every day when no one else was around, he kept me company. This time away seemed to be what I needed for awhile, but the total healing that I craved was not coming. There were times I thought I was losing my mind, and only my strength of character and thoughts of the rest of my family kept me going.

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